12 things a very pregnant/overdue woman doesn't want to hear (as much of)

Let me confess something that several women have confessed before, and was some women want to confess but might not want to out of politeness.

I am officially overdue with this baby. That's not the confession. Everyone knows that because everyone is excited ( though probably not as excited and my self and this baby's father) about meeting this little guy. But frankly, as much as I have enjoyed being pregnant, the last couple weeks ( roughly weeks 34 and onward) suck. I can't seem to do anything for myself, I feel like a ticking time bomb and my crotch is in pain, like I've been kicked down there by a steel toe boot.
But most of all, the questions. This is the confession part. Although, I know that people are being polite, and are just curious and generally caring about our well being, a pregnant woman can only handle hearing the same questions for a certain period of time...40 weeks worth is a bit exhausting.
Now I know that I'm not the only one who feels this way...trust me I Googled it.Being largely pregnant and irritable is apparently normal, so don't take offence. Here is my own list of well meant questions that I am simply getting tired of answering:

1. How are feeling? 

This is such a common question that gets asked by everyone to everyone, not specifically pregnant women. It's a general question that starts probably 97% of conversations, most people don't even think about asking this, they just do. I generally just tell you I feel fine. I do. I am uncomfortable, incapable at times and rather sore, but I don't want to share all the details all the time to everyone. I'm not miserable, or upset, just tired. I don't know why this question bothers me so much, maybe because I assume you should know how I'm feeling, but for some reason, probably pregnancy hormones, this questions irritates me more now than when I'm not pregnant.

2. No baby yet/why is he still in there, etc?  

Yes in fact we had him days ago, we just decided no to share with a single person. Rather we decided to leave him at home while we go out and about and do our own thing. 

3. Have you tried...? 

Oh frig. Seriously??? You think we haven't? None of them work people and don't you dare tell me they do because you went into labour the day after eating a pineapple. That's just a coincidence. I'm not going to go into labour today because I ate fish sticks for dinner last night.

4. Maybe your due date was wrong?  

I had someone tell me that they can be off by two weeks. I know when I ovulated. I did the tests to get my self to this point. my dates are not wrong, especially not by two weeks. 

5.Sleep while you can/enjoy the rest because after the baby arrives...blah blah blah. 

 I am aware of the life change that will occur. I wake up multiple times in a sweat with sore back muscles, having to pee, unable to roll around in my bed let alone get out of my bed to go pee with out looking like a beached whale. Having to pee while being largely pregnant is a different sensation than in a normal body. When I have to pee now, I get a constant braxton hicks contraction where I am unable to walk properly. As for resting, I can only rest so much, I can only watch so many shows/movies. I can only read so much. My house got organized before I was due. what is enjoyable about that?

6. Most first time mom's go over due.

 Thanks for the new information. I am in fact aware of this, but like every pregnant woman, I was simply hoping it wouldn't apply to me.

7. I/ my__________(insert mom, sister, aunt, friend) was late too. 

Great. That doesn't help me.

8. Are you ready for labour/are you nervous?

 This question I really don't get. How can a first time mom, be ready for labour? what have I got to compare it to? I am about to push a ~7lbs person out of my body which is already hurting...Yes I am nervous, telling me I'll be fine won't help nor will explaining your birth experience. It just needs to happen.

9. Are you excited/your parents must be thrilled.  

No we/they are not. This is the least exciting thing that will ever happen. Of course we/they are excited.

10. How is the baby? 

I would ask him, but, well to be honest communication with an in-utero child is a little difficult. So on his behalf, I'll give you the typical answer anyone gives when they ask "how are you"...he's fine.

11. Is the baby moving lots?

 (and then proceeds to touch the belly/make the baby move). Yes the baby moves. He's a living child...they wiggle, they kick, punch and shift around. At 40 weeks these violent movements can be very uncomfortable and the moments of inner calmness are nice. Please don't poke or prod my sleeping child so that I can sit/lay comfortable for 5 minutes.

12.  You must be feeling the heat.  

Well, when its over 30 degrees C, I think everyone feels it.

It's not that pregnancy is a terrible thing for me, I love being pregnant and feeling this little person moving around, especially after the struggle of trying to get pregnant. I'm glad people care about us, and want to know how we are doing, how they can help us and show concern for our well being.
So if you ask me these questions, and I give you a blank stare or don't respond immediately, I'm just tired, mentally, physically tired. I'm anxious, impatiently twiddling my thumbs while waiting and sore. And sometimes a woman who has been pregnant for 40 + weeks, simply doesn't want to answer these questions anymore, they were answered multiple times already to multiple people multiple times per day.

The baby is fine he will come, and you will know. We are excited, but mostly, I'm okay... just tired and waiting.